What Your Doctor Really Means...

What the Doctor Really Means When He Says...
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Welllllll, what have we here..."
Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.

"We'll see."
First I have to check my malpractice insurance.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.

"How are we today?"
I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like crap.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what the heck it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"Everything seems to be normal."
I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one 

A Halloween Sex Story ( Fingering the Dark Fairy)

 Fingering the Dark Fairy

 I had just gotten this dress -- shaggy and green. I had my long-sleeved black sweater on and I looked like the dark fairy. I wanted to because it was close to Halloween. My Guy friend and I had been Secretly going out for like a few weeks or something, and I was straddling him and he had his head on his pillow.

My dad (who was his employer, that’s how we met) called, and he was laying there talking to my dad, "Yeah...ok..right," and slid his hand up my dress, then he told my dad he had to go. We kissed and he played with the top of my silk blue  underwear, and then at the part in between my legs, not touching me, just pulling at it and letting it snap back.

I said, "You can do something if you want to," and he gave a look and said, "What?" and then slid his hand into my underwear and his finger was right on my clit.

I didn’t say anything and he stuck it inside me. I moaned a little and then he flipped me onto my back. He took off my shirt and I took off his, and we started kissing hard while he fingered me harder, then softer, then harder. I moaned and then went crazy when he twirled his fingers inside me. It was my first fingering and we did it like 100's of times after that. 

I Still think of him to this day when I am Fingering myself.

Have a great Halloween!

 ~Liz Vicious~

A Halloween Sex Story (Banging in the Bathroom)

 

I had been casually dating this one guy for a few days when he invited me over to his friend's Halloween party. I dressed up as a rock porn star (If He Only Knew) with glitter red hair and a short pink skirt, Fishnets, platform shoes, the works. 
 
The boys were drinking upstairs when he and I went down to the basement to talk. We started kissing each other on the couch and I got so turned on. He went to the bathroom so I waited. I felt very inspired so I stood in front of the door. When he opened it I was standing right there and I moved close to him to kiss him passionately.
 
I pushed him into the spacious bathroom and closed the door behind me. We immediately stripped off all our clothes. There was a huge mirror from wall to wall and I stared at his erect dick through the reflection. He lifted me to the counter and started licking my pussy and I came shortly after. The counter was just the right height for him to slide inside me. I was so wet. He thrust his dick in and out and I just moaned even though I could hear people outside. We knocked over some candles as we fucked harder and harder. 

A girl tried to knock on the door but another guy told her his friend is having sex in the bathroom with his girlfriend. I was like "Girlfriend? What the fuck?" but we kept going until he came inside me. I kissed a little longer and went outside, but by that time everyone was gone because they didn’t have the patience to wait for the bathroom anymore.

We laughed so hard. 

~Liz Vicious~

To Celebrate the great month of October, Halloween and my Birthday :)

Five Horrifying Ways to Ditch Your Date

You’re on a date and it’s turned out to be a huge mistake. Some people are prepared for this and have prepped a friend to call midway. If the date’s going well, you ignore the call. If it’s going poorly, you answer, pretend it’s an emergency and cut the date short. But these days, you’re not fooling anyone with that ploy. So if you want to spare your date’s feelings and ego, you’re going to have to get a little more creative. Below are 10 horrifying, but plausible excuses for cutting the date short. I use the word “plausible” loosely. It really depends on your delivery… Zombie

1. Zombie Apocalypse

You’re at a restaurant with your date, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. When you return, hold your arm and pant like you’ve just been in some sort of struggle. Announce the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us and a zombie just took a chunk out of your arm. Everyone knows ZA is a reality, it’s just a matter of time. So when your date goes sour, the time is now. Explain to your date that you’re not sure if it’s a Dawn of the Dead ZA or a 28 Days Later ZA. A DDZA means you won’t turn into a flesh eating zombie for a while. But if it’s a 28DLZA, you’ll turn almost immediately. In a desperate tone, say Don’t take any chances. Run! The downside here is that you’re left with the tab. Alternatively, you can tell your date that you’re going to quickly run to the gun store so that you can blow your own brains out. Don’t forget to thank your date for a nice time.

2. The Wolfman

Same scenario as #1, but when you return from the bathroom, pretend the water you splashed on your face is sweat and confess you were bitten by a strange wolf the other night when you were hiking in the mountains alone in the dark. Start to shake like you’re turning into the Wolfman. Grow fingernails and hair, if you can. But make your date believe you’re a blood-thirsty wolf. Don’t make the mistake of saying you’re a vampire. Both chicks and guys love vampires for some reason. With all the movies and television shows today that glorify being a vamp or bitten by one, you’ll defeat your own purpose. Put a stake in that idea immediately.

3. Murder

Use the phone call you get from your friend to let your date know that your doctor just called. It was just confirmed that you have 24 hours to live because someone murdered you. Well, with poison that takes 24 hours to kill you. Oh, and there’s no antidote, just like in DOA. So you have to quickly retrace your steps to solve your own murder. Everyone is a suspect, including your date. Eye him or her suspiciously then run out of there yelling, There’s no time to lose!

4. Psychosis

This one is pretty simple. Once you realize your date’s a dud, start quoting Norman from Psycho: You eat like a bird. But -I-I don’t really know anything about birds. My hobby is stuffing things… That should get the ball rolling. Then start talking about your relationship with your mother. Obviously, this works best for guys. She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. If that’s not enough, start speaking as if you are your mother: Go on, go tell her she’ll not be appeasing her ugly appetite with MY food… or my son! Or do I have tell her because you don’t have the guts! Huh, boy? You have the guts, boy? At that point, she’ll make her own excuse and cut the date short.

5. Hell and the Devil

Tell her the funny thing that happened to you today; how you accidentally knocked an old gypsy woman into the mud and she cursed you to hell. Check your watch, because apparently in the next half hour the devil will Drag Me to Hell. Of course, anyone around you will be dragged to hell along with you. If that’s not enough, switch to Exorcist mode and talk like Linda Blair. If possible, do a complete 360 with your head and projectile vomit pea soup. That always seems to be the clencher.

If you’re not going to be straight up with your date when things go south, at least have the courtesy of being creative. Sometimes the most outlandish excuses are the most believable. Because, who would seriously use these excuses if they weren’t true?

Enjoy your date

Liz Vicious

Top 10 Halloween Phrases That Sound Dirty

 

Top 10 Halloween Phrases That Sound Dirty

10. She’s a goblin!

9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack.

8. Let me see your bag….OH! You’re having a great night!

7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.

6. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.

5. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer.

4. Show me your JuJuBees and I’ll let you see my Zagnuts.

3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth…

2. You scared me stiff!

1. He’s got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

 

Kids do this shit on Purpose I just know they do

Originally Written 7th October 2011

 Kids do this shit on Purpose I just know they do

A friend of mine came over with her KID he was like 2 at the time and got into everything and well never mind all that the story is this. He was in the room with me and I was thinking I would be nice and get him some candy from the store I go over to him and I ask, “do you like candy?” Yes “what kind of candy do you like?” whatchamacallit “ok umm do you like chocolate?” Yes “ok what kind of chocolate?” whatchamacallit whatchamacallit at this point I bend down putting my face close to his and I say “look kid what kind of candy bar do you want Reese-cup Hershey snickers what?” yeah YELLING THIS TIME whatchamacallit whatchamacallit get whatchamacallit “what the fuck is it called you little(^&^%$#)  what is  whatchamacallit?” CANDY “yeah I know ok whatchamacallit is candy now what kind of candy” whatchamacallit whatchamacallit “I put my hands on his little solders putting my face very close I said what the fuck is whatchamacallit?” he says CANDY CANDY “I am ready to pick him up and toss the little fucker in the pool” hoping he will be yelling whatchamacallit while he drowns",,
Then i hear his mom laughing her ass off behind me. I looked up over at her with fire in my eyes finding a new target for my rage I Yell “what the fuck are you laughing at” she says Lizzy The name of the candy bar is whatchamacallit. at this point I just wanted to kill both of them.
I went to the store and bought 12 whatchamacallit candy bars and 12 thingamajigs just in case some fucking friends kid happens to like thingamajigs (I never knew anything about whatchamacallit and I just had to make sure i bought them thingamajigs just in case.

Do not argue or get into conversations with kids.

(Just ask there parents what they like or whatever)

Liz (no longer talks to kids) Vicious

Exploring old Goth.

• Exploring old Goth.
•  
• thought it best if I could trace the roots of some of my favorate artist. Doing so I have found some new favorates along the way. I never new how many forgotten post punk pre goth bands there were. I feel the need to take this moment and praise those bands that paved the way for a delightfuly dark and fun goth future. The Virgin Prunes, Southern Death Cult, Alien Sex Fiend, Sisters of Mercy, Two Witches, 45Grave, March Violets, Black tape for a Blue Girl, Sex Gang Children, Fields of the Nephilim, x-Mal Deutshland, Eva o, Super Heroines, and many others. Thank you for your contribution to what I call home ‘Goth”.
• -Liz- xoxo
•