Men, just to make sure we are clear on the language of women
- FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.
- Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Don’t be mad about this, it is just the same 5 minutes you use when it’s your turn to help do things around the house.
- Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).
- Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
- Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing . (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
- That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
- Thanks: A woman is thanking you – do not question or faint. Just say you’re welcome.
- Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “what’s wrong” – for the woman’s response refer to #3.
- I’ll drive: this either means she is questioning your manhood, or she is (rightly) scared to death of your Richard Petty impersonation
- Are watching (insert sport here) again? It’s chore jar time
- Sure, you can buy that. Refer to #6
- Come here: you are a puppy
- You never listen: you never listen. Prepare for #5
- Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying “FUCK YOU!”
Let’s Recap and i added a few more things ALL MEN SHOULD LEARN
We need I want
It’s your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk I need to complain
Sure…go ahead I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset Of course I’m upset, you moron.
You’re…so manly You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You’re certainly attentive tonight. Is sex all you ever think about?
I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! I’m on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. I have flabby thighs.
Hang the picture there No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? I did something today you’re really not going to like..
I’ll be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? Tell me I’m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? [Too late, you’re dead.]
I’m sorry. You’ll be sorry.
I’m not yelling! Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
In answer to the question “What’s wrong?”
The same old thing. Nothing.
Everything. My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. It’s just that you’re such an asshole.
I don’t want to talk about it. Go away, I’m still building up evidence against you.
Can’t we just be friends? There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.
I just need some space …without you in it
Can you help me with my homework? If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.
Do I look fat in this dress? We haven’t had a fight in a while
No, pizza’s fine Cheap bastard (Unless your talking to me I love Pizza lol)
I just do not want a boyfriend now I just do not want (you as a) boyfriend
I don’t know; what do you want to do I can’t believe that you have nothing planned
I don’t really mind where we eat ….As long as it’s the place I’ve already decided on
I like you but… I don’t like you
You never listen You never listen
We’re moving too quickly I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend
I’ll be ready in a minute I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.
Oh Yes! Right there Well, near there; I just want to get this over with
I’m just going out with the girls We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends
There’s no one else I am doing your brother
Size doesn’t count… unless I want an orgasm